I'm here today to announce my candidacy for President. ... Oh, wrong speech! In the last two years, I've had an affair with the gardener and a teenager, I've faked a paternity test, my husband went to prison, and I threw him out of a window. I would probably win in California.
--Actress Eva Longoria of "Desperate Housewives," who is politically active but decided that now is not the right time to run