The Lone Pilgrim sits at the dinner parties of others, partakes, savors, and goes home in a taxi alone.
Those days were spent in quest-- the quest to settle your own life, and now the search has ended. Your imagined happiness is yours. Therefore, you lose your old bearings. On the one side is your happiness and on the other is your past-- the self you were used to, going through life alone, heir to your own experience. Once you commit yourself, everything changes and the rest of your life seems to you like a dark forest on the property you have recently acquired. It is yours, but still you are afraid to enter it, wondering what you might find: a little chapel, a stand of birches, wolves, snakes, the worst you can imagine, or the best. You take one timid step forward, but then you realize you are not alone. You take someone's hand....and strain through the darkness to see ahead.
--Laurie Colwin (1944-1992) in The Lone Pilgrim
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